Excerpt from Anton's Running Times Blog Post

What do you think about when you’re out there running for that long? Almost everyone unfamiliar with the ultra marathon distances asks this.

As runners, of course, we know that it is almost impossible to answer this question with any kind of brevity without sounding like an imbecile. If answered honestly, the response isn’t going to be interesting or sexy. So we turn to cliches. “It’s my time to clear my head.” “It’s my meditation.” “It’s my alone time, for me.” “It keeps me sane.”

Yes. This is all true, I suppose, but it also skirts the issue. The answer, for me, is paradoxical. I think of nothing and everything. Usually at the same time. Which is just another way of saying that I’m not really thinking. Rather, I’m listening. To myself, in an as unintentional manner as possible.

This inherently self-centered act of listening–letting anything and everything and nothing bop in and out of my mind without intent–is, after 17 years of running, usually the first thing I miss when I can’t run. Running is that space each day for me to just be, with as few unnatural distractions as possible.

As Wallace points out, listening to oneself with full attention is something that, as a species, in modern society, it seems we’ve become almost phobically averse to. I’m not willing to place a value-judgement on that–I’m not convinced that there’s anything inherently good or better about being comfortably alone–but I do know, that for me, it’s an important and unique part of my daily routine. And it does seem to be something, that, as a culture, we’re rapidly moving away from.

Anyone who has bumped up against the limits of their physiology in an endurance event knows that it isn’t usually the actual physical that does the limiting; it’s the mind, the spirit, even. The last 20 miles of a tough 100 mile race is nothing else if not an intense session of self-examination, of feeling with one’s full attention.

It’s also often a lot of other things–suffering, tedium, vomiting, stumbling, etc., etc. But, ultimately, these things are all secondary to the very real, very personal process of finding the motivation to get to the finish line, and of feeling the experience in a very visceral manner. There’s a reason 100mi races are so compelling and yet so difficult to relate to someone who hasn’t experienced one. I think it’s because the experience is so personal. A lot more personal than we tend to get with ourselves in almost any other segment of life, because we’re almost always willfully distracting ourselves.

Running is an activity that often requires our full attention, and while I’m not willing to say that that necessarily makes us better people, I do think that regularly practicing the act of carefully tuning in–not tuning out–ultimately leaves us more open to the emotions of, among other things, humility and compassion. And, even if it requires willfully engaging in the dull and tedious to get there, I think it’s safe to suggest that the world could always use more humility and compassion.

Hagg Lake 25k report

I have sworn I will never run this race again. Actually, I've sworn several years in a row. Can someone remind me of this next spring at sign-up time, when all I want to do is get out of the winter doldrums and enter a race? Hagg Lake gives good schwag: great t-shirt, socks, amazing RD's and yummy food, but the mud is a little over the top! Mud is OK for about 10 miles tops, but when my shoes are sucked off, and I the only way to navigate hills is by sitting down and sliding, I'm not sure how I can say I actually ran a trail run?

I loved laughing at the ridiculousness of the muddy course. I loved the uncertainty of mere walking down the trail. I loved seeing the muddy butts (including my own) of everyone who had fallen. I laughed when I continued to wipe my snotty nose with my mitten only to smear more mud across my face. I drank from my water bottle, mouth piece caked with the brown stuff, grit between my teeth, a new shade of lipstick . Why would I want to do this again?

Is this where the pregnancy metaphor comes in? An ultra-runner forgets about the pain and discomfort similar to new moms after child birth, only to say let's sign up for another and have another child!

This year I received two t-shirts, two pairs of socks and a hat for volunteering one day and running the next. Enough Hagg schwag to hold me over for a couple years at least!

But I've always wanted to do the double Hagg: 50k on Saturday, 25k on Sunday....maybe next year......

I'm running an ultra with my sister!

Today I signed up for Skyline 50k. Last year this was my sister Diane's first ultra and because it fell on the weekend of my anniversary, I wasn't able to run with her or see her cross the finish line. This year, it is the weekend after our anniversary, so I'm heading to Oakland to run my first ultra with Diane.

We've run together before; shorter distances and she has been an amazing pacer for Miwok 100k and Dick Collins 50m (and hopefully this year at Western States 100m), but we've never run an ultra side-by-side as runners.

I have many races to run before August, but this one already has a special place in my heart.

Run Before Dawn by William Stafford

Most mornings I get away, slip out
the door before light, set forth on the dim, gray
road, letting my feet find a cadence
that softly carries me on. Nobody
is up-all alone my journey begins.

Some days it's escape: the city is burning
behind me, cars have stalled in their tracks,
and everybody is fleeing like me but some other direction.
My stride id for life, a far place.

Other days it is hunting: maybe some game will cross
my path and my stride will follow for hours, matching
all turns. My breathing has caught the right beat
for endurance; familiar trancelike scenes glide by.

And sometimes it's a dream of motion, streetlights coming near,
passing, shadows that lean before me, lengthened
then fading, and a sound from a tree: a soul, or an owl.

Those journeys are quiet. They mark my days with adventure
too precious for anyone else to share, little gems
of darkness, the world going by, and my breath, and the road.

It's been a long time

It's been a long time since my last post, but writing has never been a strength and the thought of writing a post is daunting to say the least. I feel like the world has opened it's doors to me and it's scary and exciting at the same time. When I used to rock climb multiple pitches and be hanging from a rope 1000's of feet above the ground, my climbing partner always told me my fear was actually excitement for the unknown. And right now, I think that's where I am. I tell myself I have worries and fears, but deep down, I know it's excitement for the possibilities to come.

Training for Western States is exciting. I find myself thinking about the race on a lot of my runs. Trying to imagine the terrain from the videos I've seen or from the descriptions on blogs I've read. I picture myself crossing the finish line and get teary eyed deep in thought. It's amazing how dreams can drive you froward. I find that I can transport myself from the immediate moment which could be one of struggle to one that is filled of complete euphoria.

And coming back to reality.....tonight I am tired. I didn't complete workout today, but I feel I did the best I could. I'm working 50+ hours and today I feel the strain. So much excitement for starting my new private counseling practice, new directions in my steady 40 hour a week job and the ability to notice improvement in the way I approach my running. My body is responding differently. I'm faster and don't tire as easily.

Wednesdays, I run with a new group, or I guess they were new a while ago, but having been so lax in blogging, probably not so new anymore. I'm the slowest of the group when I run my tempo runs. I run with people only when they're running "easy" days. Wednesdays are humbling days. Days that I learn to shut out the negative chatter and run because I love it. I run on wednesdays for the challenge and the company of like minded people who think running at 5:00am is the only natural thing to do. Waking up at 4:15 doesn't seem so crazy.

Monday was a Pisgah hill climb morning. Kristin Jossi Zosel says 3x up Mt. PIsgah = Devils Thumb on the Western States course. Monday I went up 2x before I had to quit and get going to work. But 3x is my goal. Maybe 4 or 5 on weekends. I loved it. The stars were out, I brought my dog Buddy and up we went into the darkness. Feeling the warmth of my body pressing into the coolness of the morning. Headlamp glowing, the steam of my breath and morning fog blocking my line of sight. Monday was made more special by giant orange full moon smiling at us on each descent!

I'm finding joy in the little things. My morning baptism as I run through the Eugene rain. Seeing my happy dog prance through the streets. Knowing that I'll stretch out my post run hot shower to the very last minute until the hot water runs out or until I smell the coffee that Tim as brought trying to coax me to the next step of morning routine.

Life is good for this runner.

No blogging doesn't mean nothings been happening

Wow, it's been a long time and lots of things have happened - races, life, family, food.....

Races: Waldo100k, P2P100m, Dick Collins Firetrails and coming up...Lithia Loop Marathon November 5th
Family: Mushroom hunting, Tim started wine school and turned 50, new Counseling office for me, Patrick in college, trips planned: Mexico & Ireland
Life: Whirlwind blowing us around like crazy
Food: Amazing pizza, wine, Tamales, Breakfast morning greek yogurt

I think I'll catch up slowly. I feel overwhelmed at putting it all down. I don't want to forget anything, but it's a drag to feel pressured.

Friday Night Pizza!

Last night it was pizza night. Tim was supposed to stop by the grocery store to get some toppings on his way home from work, but after a little bit of a hiccup in the evening, he came home forgetting to make the stop. So it was "refrigerator" pizza night. Anything in the fridge or freezer is game to put on the pizza - and I have to say, last night was a treat!

We made a half 'n half:

Meat option: Chorizo, sweet potato, roasted onions & garlic
Veggie option: Roasted onion, garlic, fennel, white raisin,pine nut

Both sides nestled on a basil garlic white sauce

Warm beet, broccoli and kale salad on the side.

mmm mmm good!